Your fiance stands proudly by as you excitedly display your engagement ring to friends and family. As they extend congratulations and good wishes for your continued happiness, you may both feel that now you have reached the summit of your courtship. Many newly engaged couples mistakenly view this period as merely the time needed to plan their future wedding day events.

Your engagement is a public symbol of your commitment to each other. It can also become a gateway to entering into the deepest most emotionally intimate time in your courtship. This time can grow to be a new stage for the discovery of each other as you start to negotiate the planning of your wedding day and your future married life.

The Catholic Church acknowledges this special period of courtship by ensuring that you have the time to benefit from it. By requiring a minimum waiting period, your parish can lovingly assist you in this time of planning. It is the Church's wish to further strengthen your love by offering marriage preparation sessions.

The engagement period is truly your time to take your relationship to a new even deeper level. In some places, the engagement itself is celebrated with some religious ceremony, often at a family meal. We have a few suggestions to further enhance this wonderful time in your life.

BECOME EXPERT COMMUNICATORS

This single skill can be either the cement that holds you together or the dynamite that may eventually blow you apart. Lack of communication has become one of the major factors in marriage breakdowns and equally the main contributor to most arguments between even the most loving of couples.

To listen intently and understand your partner is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. When we feel we are being heard and understood it gives us a feeling of calm and confidence. When we feel we are not being heard or understood we feel ignored and frustrated. Which emotional environment would you and your spouse rather live in?

Our personal ability to communicate has been formed by many outside influences such as family, personality and our general environment. You may consider yourself an excellent communicator. However, you may want to check with your partner as to whether they feel the same way about you. We all need help in overcoming the pull of our egos when we feel we are right or perhaps help in expressing anger or disappointment in a loving and non threatening way.

This area is a main element for a loving relationship and has developed a program to enhance your abilities. Attending your marriage preparation course with an open attitude and being prepared to try the advice that will be offered, in the area of communication, will contribute to your relationship now and into your married life.

Do yourselves a favor and plan to attend your marriage preparation sessions as early into your engagement as possible. You may as well enjoy the benefits of good communication throughout your ceremony planning process.

BECOME A MONEY MANAGEMENT TEAM

Is money really the root of all evil? Take a bill out your wallet and really study it. How can this simple piece of printed paper cause so much joy or grief? In reality on its own, it can't. It is our attitude towards money that will bring us pleasure or misery.

You may have both already been in the work force for some time and are very used to having total personal control over your money. Now that you will be joining your lives you will also be joining your incomes, expenses and spending habits.

Money management or the lack of it, has long been the battle ground where marriages can be hurt or perhaps fail. As you start to plan your wedding ceremony and reception, you may have your first opportunity to negotiate the saving and spending of money as a couple for the first time. You will have many occasions to observe your partner's attitude towards money and to determine how this blends or conflicts with your own approach. A couple's relationship towards money can be as varied as their personalities. Take this time to notice your similarities or differences. You will need to discuss these and make a future game plan on how they will be blended. With this done, you will already be ahead in the money management game.

Decide if you will have one joint or two separate bank accounts. Discuss if large expenditures should be made with or without the consent of the other. Make a five year plan for your future material goals and budget for giving to your parish and future charitable donations. Prepare for future children by discussing if you will both continue in the workforce or if one will be leaving their employment.

With the proper attention, discussion and planning of money matters the preparation of your wedding and your future marriage will be more satisfying and less stressful.

Always keep in mind that you have the ability to rule your money rather than have your money rule you.



SHARE A SPIRITUAL LIFE

Now is the time to establish a spiritual life together. Privately you may both have a strong spiritual base however you may feel slightly timid to include your partner.

If you are both Catholic, attending Mass together on a weekly basis is essential to start your spiritual life as a couple. Together you will not only share in the gift of the Eucharist, you will also have an opportunity to become part of a larger faith community through participation in your parish.

If yours will be an interfaith marriage, now is the time to begin exploring each others faith with the intention of understanding their religious beliefs. Talk about whether these attitudes are similar or very different and how they will effect your married life. Interfaith marriages generally do not just flow along without previous conversation and agreements between the couple. Discuss how your different worship practices will be incorporated into your married life as well as the religious education of future children.

Have the courage to reach out your hand to your partner and start to say a simple prayer. They may be relieved in having you start the process of praying together. No marriage survives a lifetime without having some stormy times. As a couple you can be prepared by building a strong Pillar of Prayer to cling to.


ALWAYS KEEP DATING

Among all the tips and advice you may receive over the next few months this is probably one of the most important and pleasurable areas that will need your attention. Remember the excitement and expectations of those first few dates. Your thoughts and attention were focused only on yourselves as you began to enjoy and discover each other.

It is far too easy for any couple to argue over little things when they fail to nurture their connection as a couple. Now that you're engaged, taking the time to date will become even more important as the pressures and distractions of planning your wedding become front and center. Nothing will diffuse stress and refocus your attention on each other more than the fun of a date. Take at least one night a week to do some of the things that you found so enjoyable during those early days of dating.

This is a time when discussion of wedding plans is not allowed. Just relax and enjoy each others company. Reaffirm your love to each other and show your fiance how special and important he or she is to you. You will be surprised how this simple evening out will refresh and invigorate your relationship, further reinforcing it for the challenges you both may face in the weeks ahead.

Once you have started this ritual of the weekly date be sure to continue it into your married life. Every couple needs their special time together.